luxoraculi | Inbox for in the night

[ There's so much that Luna had wanted to tell Noctis at home, things that she never got to tell him. Things that, for a brief while, she thought that she'd finally get to tell him here. How much she loved and adored him, how she'd gladly die for him again and again.

But those things aren't meant to be said, not now. So she'll continue to keep it to herself. Saying things like that would only complicate things, and it wouldn't be fair to Noctis. Not to Noctis or Ignis... and she's never been a selfish person. ]

You need not apologize, Noctis. You've nothing to be sorry about... you did nothing wrong.

[ She really doesn't want to do this, and she's already thinking of a means of escape. ]

Your happiness has always been my number one priority, and if you are happy, then so am I.

[You're not happy though.

Those words are on the tip of his tongue. So close to spilling forth that he has to bite his tongue to keep them inside. There had been so much left unsaid between them. So much that they had both desperately wanted to tell each other. To say. To admit. And he wants to tell her now. That he loves her. That he had always loved her. That he always will. That she his best friend. Above and beyond what anyone else ever will be. That their connection isn't broken. Just different.

But he doesn't. Because it won't change anything. The only thing that can change it is him. And he's already chosen his path.]

I am, Luna. I really am. [As happy as anyone could possibly be here.] But... it's okay if you're not.

[ She's not happy, no. Not for herself, at least. For Noctis and Ignis she is, of course. But selfishly, she can't be happy completely and she's sure in time those upset feelings will go away and fade. Time heals all wounds, at least that's what she's been told.]

I am happy if you are happy. [ She'll repeat that until the end of time. Her happiness has never mattered, not in her mind. But right now she feels ill despite already knowing that this was coming. She's going to have to put on her best poker face; and she thinks, after years in captivity, she can do that one more time. ]

I am fine... though I do need to run in a moment, dear Noctis. I've promised a friend that I would meet him soon.

[ That's a lie. But she doesn't want to be here right now, and as far as she's concerned they've had this talk and it's over now. ]

[You're not. And we both know it.

But those emotions were so raw, that wound so fresh that he didn't push it. Didn't dig. Didn't grind the glass and salt in any deeper than it already was. Maybe he should. But all it would do is make things worse. Would make the tension that was building between them boil over and explode.]

Luna... [But he doesn't even know what he was going to say. What could he even say? That he was sorry? For what? Breaking her heart? Not being as faithful to her as she had been to him?

For hurting her even though he hadn't meant to?] Please be safe, okay? If anything happened to you I...

[Did he even have the right to say that anymore?]

[ That's right, she's not. But the one person that she can trust enough to go crying to isn't here, and even if he were, Ravus would only be angry at Noctis and that's not something that she wants, either.

So for now, she's on her own to deal with her emotions. And she can't come home until she's cried it all out on her own, let herself be sad and upset and momentarily selfish before she can come home and face him again. ]

Nothing will happen to me. You need not worry about me... I am a big girl, I can take care of myself. I don't know when I will be home, so please don't wait up for me. Thank you for being so honest.

[ She already feels like she's been torn apart from the inside out, and she doesn't think anything else could possibly hurt as much as this does. Not any spirit, nor Ardyn's blade could cut quite this deep. ]

[She shouldn't be thanking him. Not for his honesty and not for anything else. Those words hurt, cut deep and he feels an ache be knows he had no right to. He did this. This is his fault. And it's a guilt that rest sqaurely upon his shoulders.

But he has someone to go to for comfort. And she doesn't. So he buries it. Holds it inside and doesn't let it show.]

Take care, Luna. I'll see you when you get back.

[ She doesn't trust herself to turn around and face him, because she's afraid that her aforementioned poker face isn't going to hold up if she actually sees him. So she merely nods, instead forcing her tone to remain light but neutral. ]

Yes, you as well. See you then.

[ Whenever 'then' ends up being, because right now she knows it's going to be a few days at most. She lifts a hand to wave, the only thing she can be bothered to do at this point, before she moves out of her bedroom and out of the house in general, headed out towards the thick forest so that she can do what she has to do in order to make herself seem a little bit normal when she decides to come home. ]

Inbox for in the night

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